I hate being in between, for everything in my life. For me, it'll be simpler if there's only one choice, one decision, and I have to go on with that single thing. But generally, life never treat us so. We, again, generally have to make a decision on more than one choice.
As an example, when it's your lunch time, and you want to get some food, you need to decide what food to eat. Simple thing but usually complicated. You want this kind of food, but it's full of fat. That kind of food is tasteless, and the other is very perfect but expensive. You decide! Aha!
And that kind of decision occur mostly everyday in our life. Causing some headache, and waste your time on the decision making process. You'll be restless and tired of thinking. Your brain never stop working to find the best reason for the best result, until the decision made. Of course it'll take time, unless you're kinda person who doesn't consider adverse effect of a decision.
I often have this kind of thing, headaches, physical and cerebral fatigue, only to find a better decision. I also have experienced a total weight loss while using my brain thinking on a best decision to make.
Trust me, people like me will always considering any effect that will occur in any occasion. Sadly, people just never believe that I really considering a thing! hahaha... Either I'm a good actress or I'm a very untrusted person. hahaha... Who cares anyway.
People just do not believe that I take a lot of time to decide whether to go on a bus from bus station or from a bus shelter that is located at opposite location. That I have to decide what kind of color that I will use for my scarf, my clothes, bag, shoes, and so on. And making a bad decision will get me a bad mood all day long, even all week, month, year long. Hahaha...
One day, I made a bad choices on the color for my shoes. And I feel so bad all day, even I cannot smile and looked listless all day. Just said, I'm on PMS, and everyone keep their mouth shut! ;p
That's why you have to consider all the side effect that'll occur on any decision. ANY DECISION! trust me. Even Allah have suggested to do the Istikhoroh pray on making a decision. It's because we have to make it perfect. One good thing on your mind won't always make a good impact in the future. Something looked good will not always be so good, though.
In addition, my partner used to spend a very long time on decision making process. I used to call him "kura-kura" or tortoise. He just need much more time on make a decision, and it's annoyed me so many times. I understand that he consider many things inside it, just it took to long!! No, don't ever follow him on this kinda activity. Hahaha...
Now, I am in between two choices, and it will affect on my future. JOB OFFERING THINGS. Arrgghhh...
I want to be something, I want to help people and living for humanity. But sadly the best offering comes from a private company that eager to look for a profit, hehhee.... Yeah, at least from the training module and the salary they'll offer me. *Overconfidence mode on*
The other choice is that I stay on the job where I don't get cool amount, but infinite inner satisfaction. Truthfully, I love it here. Just, the matter is I cannot enriched myself and enriched people then contributing for other people who need help.
I have done the Istikhoroh pray, but still haven't got any result. Yah, I just go with the flow now. From now on, just pray that I will get the best result. I hate it, but I'm gonna be the one who let the destiny made up a decision for me. Bismillah...
See, decision making process is very hard!